Pinkie Helps Me Write
by Russet Burbanks
Summary: ...or doesn't. First story, hope you like.
1. Why I don't Write

My **first story, an explanation of why I'm not writing stories. Who'da thought.**

"Here we go," I think to myself, sitting at my computer.

"Aaaany minute now."

Silence.

"Any minute," I say.

I have a strange way of becoming inspired. I daydream. A lot. Occasionally while lying down, which doesn't work well because I often fall asleep.

I did have a great idea once, for an awesome MLP story. Then I fell asleep, and forgot it.

Basically, I need ideas.

"I can give you ideas!" a bubbly, excited voice says.

Oh, no...

**What ****will happen?**


	2. Why I Don't Like Pinkie

**A/N: Yeah, I know the last chapter was short. That's another reason I don't write.**

"I'll help you write!" Pinkie Pie says.

"AAAHH!" I scream. "Where did you come from?"

"Well, when a mommy pony and a daddy pony-"

"No, I mean..." I stuttered. "HOW did you get to be in this location?"

"Well, my friend Twilight, she made this potion that amplifies somepony's special talent! See, Twilight's really good with magic," Pinkie said. "I mean REALLY good. Why, she once even gave another of my friends wings! WINGS! Can you even believe that? I mean, levitating somepony is cool enough, but she-"

"STOP! Gah! Stop! I just asked about how you got here!" I said, hiding behind my chair. And for good reason. I have had a serious fear and/or dislike for Pinkie Pie. Her randomness, lack of loyalty to physics, even her voice... I just... don't like it.

"Oh, that's why you don't like me," Pinkie said, her face falling. "That's okay, I still like you! In fact, I could even help you write! I saw above that you needed help with writing!"

"Wait, how did you know that I needed help... oh."

**Next chapter: Genres!**


	3. Pony Adventure! An Adventure in Pony!

Here** we go again!**

"Okay," I said, "If I'm gonna write a story, I have to know what to write about."

"Well, FanFiction has different genres you can choose from!" Pinkie said, bouncing in place. I swear, she's always on a sugar high. "No, I'm always like this! I don't need sugar! But anyway, there's a bunch of things you can write about! How about trying this one?" she said, as she pointed to the screen. the box had many choices, but the first one that she was pointing to was _Adventure._

"I don't know, Pinkie. I'm not very adventurous."

"C'mon! Anypony can be adventurous!"

"All right then."

* * *

><p>The mountain spouted lava high into the air. Daring Do flinched as a flaming rock exploded near her. "I have to get this ring to the volcano!" she thought. She stared at the ring in her hoof. Its foreign writing both puzzled her and fascinated her. "Or maybe," she thought, "I... don't." She put the ring on her hoof and instantly faded from view.<p>

"Where did she go?" her companion said, worried by her seeming absence.

"Oh, Dash, you'll know soon enough... but it'll be far too late." Daring Do thought.

* * *

><p>"How was that?" I said, turning to Pinkie, who was, unsurprisingly, not there. I looked all around, trying to find her. I couldn't find her, however, until I noticed the loud munching and the oddity of popcorn kernels falling from the sky.<p>

She was sitting on my head. "Why did you stop? That was just getting good!" she said, her mouth full of popcorn.

"It's a writing technique, Pinkie. It's called suspense. An author uses that sometimes when he or she ends a chapter."

"Oh! You mean like you're about to do right now?"

"Exactly, Pinkie."


	4. Angst' it Great?

"Okay, Pinkie, so what's next?"

"Angst!"

"Okay... so what's angst?"

I've got this dictionary!" she said, pulling a large book out of her mane. "Don't question it, don't question it," I tell myself. "Well," Pinkie says, "It means 'anxiety or apprehension'."

"Oh. That shouldn't be too hard," I say.

* * *

><p>Twilight still hadn't woken up.<p>

Spike walked over to the bed, where Celestia stood guard over her comatose student. "W-will she wake up?" Spike said, a sob noticeable in his voice. "Oh, if only I'd been there quicker... If I hadn't been so obsessive over helping Rarity, I'd have been there sooner and been able to get her out of the fire and-"

"No, Spike, it was not your fault. I sent Twilight that spell, knowing it could be dangerous. If anything, I should take the blame for being irresponsible and sending it to her. I just thought she would try it in a safer place, and not the middle of the library. Still, I didn't even say it could cause fire in my letter. She never knew."

_Meanwhile..._

Twilight was nowhere. Or at least, there were no points of reference that she could see, thus she determined that she was nowhere. All in her sight was white. The sky was white, the ground was white, and there seemed to be nothing else in the place she was, so she figured that everything was white.

She called out. "Hello?"

_"Hello?"_ It seemed to echo.

"Is anypony there?"

_"Yes!"_

* * *

><p>"Ooh! Cliff-hanger-y!" Pinkie said<p>

"Well, that's good. That's what I was going for. We need to make the reader anxious. Anxious enough to keep reading this story," I replied. "I'm kinda worried about getting more views."

"Don't worry! They'll come!"


	5. Is it Such a Crime?

**Back for more, I see.**

"So, what have I got to write next?" I ask.

"Ooh! This one looks cool!" Pinkie says, bouncing up and down.

"And... what is it?

"It's so awesome!"

"Pinkie," I say, unamused. "Might you tell me exactly WHAT it is that's so awesome?"

"Oh! Yeah!" she giggles. "It's Crime!"

"Um... how exactly is Crime cool?"

"Because it is!" She defended. "Trust me!"

* * *

><p><em>A dark night, in a city that knows how to keep its secrets. But, on the fifteenth floor of the Flim-Flam building, one stallion is still trying to find the answers to life's persistent questions. He is... Mac Noir, Private Investigator.<em>

It was Tuesday. My office space was crowded by a visitor. A dame. She was a tall one, standin' about a head taller than myself. She had a white coat, a crown, and a horn longer 'n my leg.

"Eh, whatcha' want, miss?" I said, leaning back in my chair.

"Excuse me?" the tall mare replied. She looked a bit shocked. "I am Princess Celestia! I wish to be addressed as such!"

"You come into my office fer a reason, so what is it, miss?"

"Hmph!" She said. "My sister has been acting strangely. She does not come out of her bedroom anymore, she simply calls for food and raises the moon from inside the room. I was hoping you'd be able to figure out what has been going on, but I may as well go elsewhere."

"Now, ma'am, hold yer horses," I stopped her. A case meant a job. A job meant money. And money meant I could pay my phone bill. "I'll take yer case."

* * *

><p>"Well, Pinkie, how was that?" I asked.<p>

"That was great! Where'd you come up with an idea like that?

"It's on my favorite radio program, Prairie Home Companion."

"I wanna listen to that!" she said, pulling a radio out of the vast reaches of hammerspace.

"Aagh!" I scream. "Will you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

* * *

><p><strong>Hello loyal readers! All six of you! May I present the 1,000th word in this fic! I never thought I would make it this far! And... that's kinda depressing. But it's here! And that's all that matters!<strong>


	6. This Might Sound Dramatic

**It's been a while.**

* * *

><p><strong>"<strong>Well, now on to the one I know nothing about," I said, facepalming. "How do I write 'Drama'? Some stuff I already wrote can qualify as drama!"

And then Pinkie started singing.

"_This song sounds dramatic, but I'm bad at writing words."_

"Hey, wait!" I said. I'm also bad at writing words! But I think that just gave me an idea!" I grabbed Pinkie and gave her a huge hug. "Thank you, Pinkie! Thank you for being knowledgeable of human media!" I plopped into my chair and began typing madly.

"Well, aren't you cheery today?" she said. "And I thought you felt weird around me."

"School started again! And it's going great! Plus, it's a weekend! Woohoo!"

* * *

><p>"But you didn't!"<p>

"I didn't what?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Twilight Sparkle! I know you took my hairbrush! You didn't put it back!"

"Spike, what are you talking about? You don't even have any hair to brush!"

"Don't make excuses! You're just trying to escape taking responsibility!"

"Spike, I don't understand what's-"

"No! That's it! I am not living here with you anymore! I've had it! Out! Out! OUT!"

"Spike, this is my library. I allow you to live here, and you still don't have hair."

* * *

><p>"You really think Spike is like that?" Pinkie asked, looking very confused.<p>

"No," I said. "Of course not. I just wrote him differently. He was just out-of-character. Or some people say OOC."

"Ooc?" She asked. "What kind of word is 'Ooc'?"

"Not...really... it's just kinda slang."

"Slang? That's a fun word! Slang! Slang, slang, slangety slang!"

"Oh..." I groaned. It might be a long night...

* * *

><p><strong>So, I'm finally back! Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!<strong>

**I am hoping to release another story soon! But I lack a title! Could you give me suggestions?**

**Thanks! Later! **

**Russet**


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